used to be expensive
Damn near even priceless
Now when you throw those words at me, it feels cheap
Once sacred, uttered in reverence and honor
Now belongs on the clearance rack
I can buy your words at the dollar store and get change back
When i blink with tears in my eyes, my vision sharpens.
When they roll down my cheeks, they take the pain with them as they leave.
This year has been eye opening.
December 31, 2019
New Year’s Eve
A year is only a year because we agreed to it. there is no Tuesday /Wednesday … just the wish
But we are part of this game and the herd has spoken
So we take the energy of today to set our intentions for ourselves .
Something we should do each and every day that God gifts us
Nothing lasts forever
So they say
If you don’t want to be hurt, Gotta stay far away
Open up your heart and say “ah”
Leave the rest to me
This love, this life is a battlefield
Love and war
Speak your mind
But don’t hold on too tight
No one likes too much attachment
Limb from limb
All over the place
You knew this game before you played
Still you stayed…
I could fall in
Like a drug I don’t want to depend on it. So I detox. From you. Addiction is not what I want to do. Because it involves attachment . This means therein exists an opportunity for hurt. When I think about this or consider the probability , the positivity in me fizzles. I’m left with the negative self talk, the what if’s and the whispers that you’re playing me. Volume loud. Static and all. So I just freeze. Flight or fight. I don’t want to fight. Good bye.
Cold sheets. Warm bodies.
Lotion on foot. Rub down legs
Lips on lips. Lips on more lips.
Heated hands on plastic glass
Melted. Soft wax
Hard like discipline
Soft like rain.
Her: “Wanna know why I love you?”
Him: “Pray tell”
You’re such a man . Vulnerable, Strong, resilient, hue.man.
You don’t wear your heart on your sleeves because you unclothe your spirit for me on purpose.
You’re just who you are and it gives me the freedom to be who I am.
I want the absolute best for you.
If I never hear from you again, I will still be blessed because I have lived years with you in these few months.
You’re my true confidante. You don’t judge me
You love me as-is, never asking for discounts or a refund.
I love you as is…would say Full price…but you’re invaluable.
. a hurum gi n’anya’ in the igbo language means , I love you. literally translated, it means , I see you
They say you have to nurture your inner child
In order to heal
The say you have to sit with the pain
And your inner demons
And your shadows
And your vices
And show them love and compassion
Because they are also a part of you
That’s fine and all , but how?
I’m willing to try but I need to know how
To face my own shadow when I’m trying to be the light
This little light of mine
I want to let it shine
And break away from any dark times
So tell me how I’m supposed to face my shadows
When I only have a glimmer of hope left?
I miss you
I miss the way you smell
The way you taste
The way you feel.
I miss the laughs
I miss the silence
Not awkward at all
Overthinking killed us
And our friendship
Pride won’t allow us to reconnect
It’s all well and gone
But didn’t we have fun?
Time will sweep us away
But when we smell our scent unexpectedly we will
Last night I wrote a poem about you
As you slept
You out of me
Last night I dreamt about you
“Why do branches grow like that? Why don’t they grow straight up?”
We are all branches on the tree of life
Attempting to grow towards the light
And away from gravitational pull
Some branches grow apart and never touch
Some branches touch then grow apart
Some branches fall off on their own
Some get cut short
Some branches grow side by side
We are all branches on the tree of life
Swaying in the breeze
Affected by the wind
Through various seasons
When life springs, we grow leaves
Then they fall, they leave
They change , wither away and die
But grow again
And we grow too
To give our leaves the most light, even if it means growing crookedly
We grow for survival
So do the other branches
Weathering the storm
And as the tree grows older
We grow more outwards than upwards
So to cast a wider net , to catch the light
Of the sun
My aunt passed away the other day
i’m still waiting to cry.
i’m numb and i halfway wonder why
isn’t that what people are supposed to do?
aren’t they supposed to cry when a loved one dies?
i’m still waiting for the tears to arrive.
just like we are waiting to survive.
which makes me think…